Bed of Nails

Falling back on a bed of nails
For the comfort I thought I'd lost.
The longing is there, the lust prevails
at an ever-increasing cost.

A crutch, in place of what might well be
a bed of feathers, or silk, or down.
A wreath of thorns where one might see
a halo, a headdress, a crown.

Why, then, this bed of nails
I share with you tonight?
Isn't this fallacy painful enough
than the torture and bleeding and fright?

To hold your nails dear
til my flesh starts to bleed,
And feel your feigned warmth one more night
Is simpler now than turning back,
repenting, evading my next self-attack
So here I stay, bleeding black,
My muscles cold and stinging and tight.

The Rulebook.

At some point in time
you have to play by the rules
of the game. No one
will ever tell you this but me.

If you fall for him, you're losing
If he falls for you, you've won.
If he's got a girlfriend, lose ten points.
If he dumps his girlfriend for you, gain twenty.
If you think that's shallow, only gain five.

If you kiss him you're winning
If he kisses back, you've won.
The object of the game is "I love you."
I think.
I didn't make these rules.

...I'm not even a part of the game.

I think I'll post some impromptu haikus.

Because I am waiting for my friend to finish the STUPID SCHOOL NEWSPAPER!!!
(jk) (uh oh she's making threats...)

You may want to check
Your avatar, Kara-Lynne.
You may just want to.

Newspaper headlines:
Lacrosse team finally gains
WPIAL stature.

Thousands of pictures
Ripped pages from magazines
Posted on the wall.

These are all boring.
One day I'll write a good one
Potential haikus.

"Check your avatar-
If you really like your life."
She knows I don't care.

"Check your avatar."
She's fixing a paragraph.
"Can you just do it?"

Pretty red and white
Stripes spell out H-E-L-P.
So what could it mean?




I suck at haikus.


This post is a waste of space.

Robot Singer

She sings with words and feelings
With "love" and "hate" and "joy"
She sings with tears in her eyes
And lyrics like honey
And a heart leaping from her chest

I sing with sounds and rhythms
With "voice" and "melody" and "harmony"
I sing with tears in my eyes
And lyrics like corpses
And an echoing chasm in my chest.

Some beautiful poetry

http://www.adab.com/en/modules.php?name=Sh3er&doWhat=lsq&shid=2&start=0

I read "A Brief Love Letter" "Love Compared" "On Entering the Sea" and "Jerusalem" and have decided that this is my favorite poet.

A feeling I can't shake.

From every waking moment
I feel my empty bed.
I can see the meals cooked for one
and have only known dates with friends.

I sing love songs to music, to
foreign, indifferent ears.
My "you" is never you, and
my love is never returned.

I don't even know who you are.
How can my lips long for a kiss
that they have never felt,
and my eyes await your invisible face?

Your touch is every man I've ever known
and every kiss I've never felt.
I know you in my dreams,
but have we ever met?

You are my first true love,
and I don't even know who you are.
My "you" is never you,
but have we ever met?

Where is my melody?

My song left by plane.
My inspiration ripped from my grasp overnight,
The words stuffed carelessly in a carry-on
And snacked on occasionally,
While my poem soared over the Atlantic.
Every love song in the luggage haul,
Every soft melody smashed together
With other writers' lovers,
And other singers' supports,
And other wives' husbands.

We're so sorry Uncle Albert, but we haven't done a bloody thing all day!

This is the epitomy of boredom, shared between 90 minutes in Algebra-2 and French-1 and 5 hours in a movie theatre behind a concession counter without my knitting needles (hah!). The top showcases my partially illustrated lyrics of The Beatles' "Helter Skelter" (the arrows illsutrate the words like "bottom" "top" "stop" and "ride"). We've got an LSD eyeball (note - "The girl with kaleidescope eyes") that would have been better if i had had a red pen and a black pen... i had a blue pen and an marker, so i had to do my best... it was supposed to be bloodshot. ::grrr:: My friend added some of his own lyrics on the side... this was done on the back of a math worksheet, so some doodled division problems are scratched out, as you'll see.... um, my characteristic exploding heart... the illustrated lyrics to "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey"...

I used this paper to let off steam. Beatles style.

This Poem Sums Up My Life

I was trapsing around StumbleUpon, and i found this site:

http://todoke.net/invitation/

where you can find this poem:

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for,

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for love, for your dreams,

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched

the centre of your own sorrow,

if you have been opened by life's betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,

mine or your own, without moving to hide it

or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own.

if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy

fill you to the tips of your fingers

and toes without cautioning us

to be careful, be realistic,

remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint anothert

o be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty every day,

and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live,

or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone,

and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what

or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,

and if you truly like the company

you keep

in the empty moments.

NOT MY POEM!!! Copyrights are on the site, i just thought it was gorgeous!!

Corridors of Cloud: A Poem

My eyes can't close for long enough
To feel you coming nearer
To meet in corridors of cloud
To smell you stronger
To see you clearer

The sun will come up far too soon
To get anywhere from here
To spin sweet lyrics on each other's lips
To taste you sweeter
To love you more, dear
Than ever I could dream

So take away the sleep and sun
And wake up next to me
Stronger, clearer, and sweeter, my dear
Than ever I could dream

Another Song: Summer

Jump out into the ocean
Cast off, spread out over the sea
Branch out, break free, I want to sail away
Sail to where this mundane drone is far away
Trading white walls for blue horizons
And bluer skies and endless nights

Cause my home is where my heart is
And my heart is somewhere far from here
And I will dive into summer
Where certainty and sanity are nowhere near me
(beat) I-- want-- to escape
And I could take you away
If summer started today

So come with me to where the ocean meets the sky
And we'll fly off, doze off with our toes in the sand
Break out, make out, you and I can sail away
Where all of this monotony is far away
We could finally get out of this place
And kiss our way through endless nights

Cause my home is where my heart is
And my heart is somewhere far from here
And I will dive into summer
Where certainty and sanity are nowhere near me
(beat) I--want-- to escape
and I could take you away
if summer started today-ay-ay

Let's make it happen
Let's make it you and me and the sun
Let's make it happen
It's better than just staying here
And wearing out and fraying here
It's better than just giving in
Just to be someone
I just want to be someone
Why can't I be someone
So let's jump out towards the sun

I wanna know
(just to be someone)
I wanna go
(just to be someone)
I wanna see
(jump out)
You and me and breaking free out into the ocean cause ho--

--me is where my heart is
You and I are somewhere far from here
And we will dive into summer
Monotony and certainty are anywhere but here
(beat)Come-- on-- and escape
And take me away
Our summer will start today
Our lives will start today
I'll blow your heart away
If only summer could start today

Diapers, Formula, Eyeliner.

Baby nation
With a big-girl mind
Maturity combine
Speed up the turbine
Painting faces of acceptance
Of security
Of self-made self
Ugly words on pretty paper
Prostitution of youthfulness
To the guiles of the accelerating wind
To speed up time, and make it last longer
And come faster, and look better
Sooner
Stronger
For what is there to replace
On an unblemished face
But naivety and silly things
Purity, the profound stings
Of a youthful mind
All thrown away, all left behind
To spin the earth like a turbine
And make something quite unlike its kind:
A world manufacturing beauty
And yet a world completely blind

Truckie: Adopted May 2008.

This is my new baby. I love him with all my heart.

School + Boredom = Art.

This? Idk. People say they think it looks like the figure of a woman. I think it's my mind or something. I don't see a woman. I see my own neuromatter over time.

Being a conspirator is hard work. Good thing we have comedy and cariacature to lighten up the mood. I don't care if it was one bullet or not, this cartoon turned out hilarious.

Song I wrote: RUPERT

This song goes out to my favorite guy ever, Rupert Twopert.
I could sing all day about you.

I"ve got your heart in the grass
Oh the field on the back road now
the clouds are spelling pictures in your eyes
Boy, you can't back down now
You've got the heart of a saint
And the smile of an angel
But you're making me such a sinner
So let's run away from home
Or make a day of it and kiss
Either way you'll still be a winner
Why'd you have to let me know
Cause I'll never let you go

So here we go
I wonder how long you've known
You've got a first-class, one-way ticket
To leave me here alone
You've got your head on my shoulder
And your face on my mind, and so
Today I'm yours, but tonight you're mine
Don't stop believing in what you'll leave behind
Oh Rupert, you're flyin'
Whoa

You're the boy all the good girls love
And I want so bad to know you
I'll cut your hair if it makes you weak
And makes you stay and lets me show you my love
So take a plane far away
And rip my heart from my ribcage
Keep it safe if it happens to make it
Or you can throw it away
In the ocean, it's okay
it won't take much more for you to break it
Maybe you're the perfect man
Take me with you if you can

So here we go
I wonder how long you've known
You've got a first-class, one-way ticket
To leave me here alone
You've got your head on my shoulder
And your face on my mind, and so
Today I'm yours, but tonight you're mine
Don't stop believing in what you'll leave behind
Oh Rupert, you're flyin'
Whoa

And I've never flown first class
And I doubt I ever will
And I come back from my vacations, unlike you
I got to hotels, and baby you go home
But I'll come back in a week and then we'll both be alone

I've got your heart in the grass
Of the field on the back road now
The clouds are spelling pictures in your eyes
Bou you can't back down now
You've got the heart of a saint
And the smile of an angel
But you're making me such a sinner
So let's run away from home
Or make a day of it and kiss
Either way you'll still be a winner
Why'd you have to let me know
Cause I'll never let you go

So here we go
I wonder how long you've known
You've got a first-class, one-way ticket
To leave me here alone
You've got your head on my shoulder
And your face on my mind, but now
I'm always yours, and you'll never be mine
Do you even believe in what you'll leave behind
Oh Rupert, you're flyin'
Home

Ghost of Industrial Past

FINALLY SOME NEW PIX! Hahah I hope you likee these, we took advantage of the warm weather to do some great photography in the sun!!

This last one is so sad to me because that chemical water was flowing forever and just mixing into the clean (well, soil-enriched) water. I even saw some of the chemical-y blue stuff in another stream driving home this afternoon. So it goes.

school sucks.

Shell shock
induced by explosive textbooks
and mechanical pencils
robot student
unaware of the danger around
only headphones as her salve
unseeing
unfeeling
waiting for three o'clock

Oops.

Blame.
Placing a name,
Unwanted fame.
Shame.
Nothing's the same.
It's like everything came
so quickly.

Tarnish, Stain

Shining armor rusts
With the softest springtime rain.
Princes' crowns shall tarnish;
Kings' robes stain.
These treasures hold naught
But downfall and gloom
For a lonely princess
in an empty room.

But jesters' remarks are a licentious flame
With lustful tongues too wild to tame,
While servants quiet and gruff do smile
And open their hearts for a short, short while.

In castles broad a dame may search
For love and life and a warm embrace,
Or a friend and a hand to hold;
An endearing glance of a lover's face.
But a lover may she never gain,
If not love for the very minds -
For smiles and words bow to tarnish and stain,
If not backed with love for a soul to find.

For knights and kings
And worldly things
A lust like words of the jester she holds
But crumples faint for a servant's smile
Full of love and life and a heart of gold

Swords show power, and crowns show wealth,
Robes show vanity, words show wit,
But a smile is a vulnerable orifice
That opens to the inside just a little bit,
And exposes the heart, life's true love potion.
A smile is a song, a smile is a motion
That cancels out jesters and princes and kings,
For princesses long for much lovelier things.

Anatomy of a Cuddle

Love is the part of the body
Where hearts touch hearts;
The miraculous, unreal meeting
Of two very inward parts.
The most intimate of proddings,
Starting at mere sight,
When I see you and you see me
In the middle of the night.

Inside touches pull outsides closer;
First arms, then bodies, then legs,
And even faces and lips, all lovingly touching,
And the mind starts to dance and the soul begs.
All thought and talking ceases,
But singing might ensue,
For that's the voice of touching hearts
As they explore a lover new.

Not a lot....

I know I said there would be pictures of the backstage area of my theatre during production. That did not happen 3 out of 4 days because I failed to include my camera in all my random baggage that was required (Leotard, character shoes, blue suede shoes, tights, various costumes, every ounce of makeup I own, nourishment, enough bobby pins to build a house...). So here are the few pictures I took opening night when I wasn't busy... The World of The Actor.

Costumes. Most important thing ever.

I promise you the makeup table did not look like this for long.

Flies. Just Flies.

I will admit I'm disappointed with the quality of this photo, especially since I got down on the floor and moved around like an idiot/crazy photographer and my director gave me one of those concerned, puzzled looks.

Testing microphones, warming up.

Stalker!!

I see you.

Ever get bored on those 20-hour drives?

I have been experiencing a lack of time, inspiration, and creativity lately, as it is being sucked out through every orifice in my body by a horrific monster called a DIRECTOR. Musicals are wonderful, but they kind of suck too.

Expect some backstage/behind the scenes pix soon. I'll be doing a photo expo of the life of an overworked actress. aka me.

Growing Up

Old fiends grow
All friends grow up
Young friends grow tall
Old friends grow wise
Weak friends grow distant
Strong friends grow close
Some friends grow up too quickly
Some friends don't grow up at all
So old friends
This is where we start growing up.

Happy Valntines Day... right?

Waiting
Sweet anticipation
Listening to love whisper
Listening to love laugh
Listening to love taunt
And beckon
And wait
For me? Or for you?
I sit and I whisper
I sit and I laugh
I sit and am taunted
You beckon
I wait
For my move?
Or yours?

Good Morning.

He was laying on my brother's bed. He always found the worst places to show up for me, and the worst times. I was so frustrated with the paper I was supposed to be writing that I would have been upset at anybody for bothering me. But him? Of all people, the one who could really grind my bones together and make me break? I booted up the computer and made a beeline for the door. He asked for a beer on the way back. Great. I'm barely back in my own house one day and already I'm getting him a beer. Hallucinations aren't supposed to be drunks too.
"I'm not a drunk," he mentioned. I quickly made my way to the stairs. I went for the first thing I could get my hands on - ibuprofen. Wolfing a couple down usually gave me enough umph to handle the kid in my brother's room. He wasn't much older than me, but I had a feeling he was ready to prove just how much more he knew - he'd start an argument right away, about anything. Something big in the pit of my stomach told me it would be my term paper. He sat up expectantly when I walked back in the room, and scowled when I tossed him a diet coke. I immediately sat at my computer and hit the "Stumble" button.
"Don't you have a paper to write?"
"Yes."
"Shouldn't you be... writing it?" A nag. Always a nag.
"Please wake up and check the clock," I said. "My brother and I watched Superman. I'll work on my paper in the morning."
"School's starting soon."
"So's your execution." He laughed at that, a laughter that reminded me of the time that I actually enjoyed having him around, when I thought it was romantic and special to have a man no one else could see follow you. Now he was a pest. He had even stopped trying to kiss me. His laughter was soon drowned out by a swish and a fizz, and the springs of my brother's bed sighed as he lay back down. "I've missed you, Char."
Here he goes again. Why's he always coming back? Because he misses me. "I heard that," he said.
"You see me enough," I expelled coldly, hoping he could hear the horrible, nasty words that were going through my head. He didn't talk for a long time. I was emersed in a fiction blog when he finally continued the conversation, and it took a few tries for him to get my attention.
"You know it's not seeing you I miss," he said. "Your thoughts used to be so pure, so funny. I could wrap myself up in them and be the happiest person alive." I rolled my eyes. "I miss the sweet you. Without the thoughts of hatred and without the stupid stuff you got yourself into. You think you're the shit now cause you're in college? From what I see, you've thrown it all away and you went down some path I don't want to follow you down." I was standing at the side of the bed. "Don't lose me, Char."
"You're the reason." I sat down and emptied the last sip of his diet coke. "I'd prefer to know why I had you. Maybe I wouldn't be so keen on losing you. As far as I'm concerned, you've been stalking me and peering into my life without my permission, just hoping I was ok with it. And once you started, you kept it up because you couldn't let go of me. And nothing I could drink or swallow or inhale has ever gotten you to stop." He sat up quickly.
"If you really wanted me to go, I would have been gone. You're the one who can't let go, Char."
"But..."
"Work on your paper." He stood and walked through the door - the one in midair. The one that I couldn't follow him through. He didn't even say goodbye.

Valentine's Day

Variations on sadness
Alone in a world of lovers
Love comes in sparse overtones
Eventually, I'll accept it.
Never will I forget it.
The reason I'm here
Is to make those who have feel better
Now they see someone
Even their best friend
Suffering from loneliness

Doesn't
Anyone else
Yearn for a better way to spend February 14th?

Two New Poems

Silence

Silence speaks

With words of the heart,

Being shoved through the eyes

And the arms

And the nose

And everything else you can't hear with.

A glance in passing

And a smile

Say a lot more

Than "I think you're very pretty,"

Or "I can't wait until we get to talk today."

Silence invokes words unspoken;

Makes you think you're listening

To something you haven't even heard,

And you're happy.

Silence speaks

With words of the mind,

Illustrated by the eyes

And the brain

And human nature

And everything else that makes you hope.

A glance in passing

And a smile

Can mean something else,

Like "I know you want to be more than just friends,"

Or "I'm just being nice to you, you know."

Silence invokes wishful thinking;

Makes you hope you're right

About something you may never even know,

And you're happy.

Lament

I cried as you held me,

"I'm tired! I'm tired!"

And you were tired too,

But still you held me,

Rocking slowly,

Like maybe you were in love.

I laughed as you danced with me,

"Faster! Faster!"

And we danced as fast as we could,

Even though there was no music,

Twisting wildly,

Like maybe we were crazy.

I waved as you left me,

"Come back! Come back!"

And you came back for one last kiss,

But you couldn't stay,

Walking slowly,

Like you knew it was goodbye.

I cried as I held you,

"I'm lonely! I'm lonely!"

And you were lonely too,

Even in my arms,

Rocking you slowly,

Like maybe you'd wake up.

-88-

it's not even worth coming to school.

bags
under your eyes
on your shoulders
hanging from your fingertips
rain
from the sky
and your eyes
and the teachers' mouths
a wish to dream
a dream of sleep
a sleep of eternity
anything but monday

Someone Else's Story

I'm not one to advertise
but check out some of my friend's work
at http://mindlessdaydreams.blogspot.com
She's got some great collections
Here's a sample of her collection called "Sequence of Love"

Munchably Crunchable

The Tenth Degree

I risked frostbite and pneumonia for the sake of art.

Damned windchill.